More Than a Number: Protecting the Next Generation’s Relationship with Their Bodies

My name is Amanda, and as an intern here at the Hull Institute, I was asked to share a bit about my experience working with those navigating eating disorders for National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.

When I am not interning or at school, I work as a Medical Assistant at a pediatric primary care office. Holding both roles simultaneously has deeply shaped how I view the way we talk about our bodies with and around children. While the world often tells us we should all strive for “body positivity,” I want to offer a different challenge.

Positivity vs. Neutrality

Body positivity is the idea that we should love our bodies and find them beautiful regardless of their shape or size. While this is a powerful and empowering movement, it is not always attainable. For someone struggling with an eating disorder or deep body dissatisfaction, being told to “love” their body can feel like an impossible standard, leading to guilt when they can’t achieve that feeling.

This is why I believe we should strive for Body Neutrality. Body neutrality is the practice of accepting your body for what it does rather than how it looks. It acknowledges that your body is a vessel that allows you to experience life. The perks of this mindset are significant; it takes the focus off appearance entirely and reduces the pressure to feel a certain way about the mirror. It allows us to say, “My body is the reason I can hug my friends and go for walks,” without needing to comment on its size.

The Power of “Little Ears”

One of my biggest passions is educating adults on how we talk about weight and health. We never know when “little ears” are listening. If we spend time talking to others (or ourselves) about our bodies in a negative manner, it can have major effects on children.

Children are observant. They will start to compare themselves to what they hear from the adults they trust. By using body neutral language, we teach children that their worth is not tied to their physical form. This foundation is essential for preventing the disordered patterns that often begin with body dissatisfaction.

Bringing Body Neutrality Home

The home environment is where a child’s relationship with their body is truly built. Here are a few ways parents can implement these concepts daily:

• Validate the Feeling, Not the “Fact”: When a child says, “I feel fat” or “I hate my body,” avoid the instinct to simply say, “No you aren’t!” Instead, validate the underlying emotion. Try saying, “It sounds like you’re having a really hard day with your body. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way.”
• Identify the “ED Voice”: If a child is struggling with an eating disorder, it is helpful for parents to realize that the harsh, negative things the child says about themselves are often the “ED voice.” This voice makes them believe things about themselves that are not true. Helping the child externalize that voice can be a powerful step in recovery.
• Focus on Function: Encourage conversations about what our bodies allow us to do (playing sports, creating art, feeling the sun) rather than how they look.

Practical Steps in the Pediatric Office

In my role as a medical assistant, I see many barriers to keeping children safe from harmful body narratives. I urge parents to keep these strategies in mind:

• Practice Blind Weights: I encourage both children and adults to participate in blind weights by not looking at the number on the scale during the weigh-in process. It is important to know that these recommendations are not just for those navigating an eating disorder. Using blind weights is a healthy, proactive practice for everyone. It helps shift the focus from a single, often stressful number to more holistic markers of health like energy, growth trends, and overall well-being.
  • What is a “blind weight”? A blind weight is simply a way of collecting medical data without the patient seeing or hearing the specific number. Since not every medical professional is familiar with this term, the best way to ensure it happens is to speak directly to the medical assistant (MA) as they are walking you back to the exam room.
  • How to request a blind weight: Many parents feel nervous about “disrupting” the clinical flow, but as a medical assistant, I can assure you that we are happy to accommodate this. The most effective time to ask is when the MA calls you back for the appointment. You might say something like: “I would really appreciate it if we can make sure my child doesn’t see or hear their weight today. Could we have them stand backward and make sure the number isn’t stated out loud?”
  • To make this successful, keep these practical steps in mind:
    • The Backward Stand: Have your child step onto the scale with their back to the display. This naturally keeps their eyes on the wall or a point in the distance rather than the floor.
    •  “Step and Cover” Technique: Many digital scales continue to display the weight for several seconds after a person steps off. Either you or the MA can quickly cover the display with a hand, foot, or a piece of paper as the child steps down to ensure the number remains private.
    • The “Poker Face”: When your child is being weighed, try to keep a neutral expression. Avoid making immediate comments, sounds, gestures, or faces (positive or negative) about the weight shown. Even “good” comments can reinforce the idea that the number is the most important part of the visit.
• Navigating the Provider Discussion: As MAs, we do our best to pass your wishes along to the doctor. However, in a busy clinic, we don’t always get a chance to speak with them before they enter. To be safe, gently remind the provider at the start of the exam that you prefer the weight to remain a “hidden” data point for the medical record only. Every office is different, so how this is achieved may depend on the specific provider or office layout. It is worthwhile to have a respectful conversation with your pediatrician to brainstorm how to discuss growth charts or health concerns in a way that your child does not have to overhear a clinical critique of their body.

Recommended Reading for Parents

For those looking to dive deeper into protecting their child’s body image through a neutral and health-focused lens:

• “Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture” by Virginia Sole-Smith (Focuses heavily on the language adults use and how it affects kids)
• “Your Child’s Weight: Helping Without Harming” by Ellyn Satter (A classic for understanding how to maintain a neutral environment around health)

By practicing body neutrality at home and being mindful of the medical environment, we can help the next generation grow up trusting their bodies rather than fearing them.

By Amanda O’Neill, CT